Hit Low Note

I feel myself is such a disappointment to anyone, especially those who love me dearly. From the past to present, I have been hurt and disappoint those whom I love....my parents, sister and now my girlfriend. Failure is the right word to use to describe me. The more I'm trying to impress them, the more disappointment they get. I'm trying to learn from my past experience and trying to please my girlfriend but it is just another failure for me. She wants me to travel and stay over at her house. That is not a problem to me but she told me last minute. That really caught me out of surprise....I'm sorry because I don't like to travel without planning. The contradict part was she likes to travel and can just pack and go that type of person. What makes me small is that she compare me with Mr K....then compare with Mr B....along my life till current day....my love one keep compare me with people around me. My school life....compare me with my cousin and sister....they are great in academic and my parents expect me to match their achievement. When comes to learning music, people compare me with my sister...she has it all...talent in music and a good voice to sing....what am I....just like a beggar off the streets....why does my whole life have to be compare with this and that person...am I that tiny or so poor in term of skill or character that I don't have any small part that I can charm people....what really makes me sad is that my life is just like a robot...people nearest to me have remote control to have control over me....all they need to do is just press a button...does they care how I feel...I feel bored in giving in about this matter....they feel this and that is the best for me but they never ask me whether is this what you wanted or is this the best for you....I struggle to please them...there is only two place for me to do what I wish to do....first is Kampar....the place where I study and the second are this blog...where I can express what and how I feel...life seem like so pathetic to me....I really very happy when my friends celebrated my birthday with me because after living 17years of rejection...finally I can get this group of true friend....I know time is running out as they are graduating soon....I wish to apologize to my girlfriend for choosing them over you at this moment....I love you but I cherish them because they have been with me for four years not merely as friends or companion but also a special bond that cannot be explain as we fight together since foundation with the aim to graduate....

To my dearly girlfriend,
I'm sorry if phone calls or msn or whatever communication way that we are using now cannot pleases you as you wish to see me more. You did nothing wrong with this hope but is me who let you down from time to time....I hope you understand that I'm trying to strike balance between you and my friend....I have to admit that I'm poor at it. Disappoint you really break my heart....at times I question God and ask Him why separate us....He really put a test for me....many moments that I'm down and wish to find you to talk off but seeing you so tired after off from work....I just keep it to myself as I know you didn't good life after whole day working....and at times I wish to cheer you with jokes and stories or excite you by telling you what special event that I have done.....all of those seem like can't stimulate you...I'm glad when you share your problem with me....nowadays...I seldom can know what you're doing...I sent few messages then you only reply and I don't blame you cause previously I did something wrong I guess or the work already drain you out and you need a time out....out of frustration...I wish to tell you but I don't deserve yet cause you sacrifice more than I do....just please bear with me and what nonsense that I have cause or done...

My Day...

My day started out as i woke up at two quarter near half. Then i turn on my laptop as usual. When my laptop was started, i turn on the facebook. Instantly a message was pop out from the satay lou chat window. It was from Ken, now we go lunch then straight go to volleyball....nic, you wan join....i replied instant by typing yes...myself go take a bath n change into sports attire....then waited for Ken n Lum...along the way going out to main road....we picked up Kenny and Sim Huae.....they plan to go Utar from academic purposes....we drop them at the gate that links between Utar and Ktar....then we headed for our lunch. We went to a shop that i don't remember its name....we took chicken rice there....after finishing our lunch....we went to the volleyball court at Ktar to meet up wif Shawn, Kenny and Sim Huae....When we reach the court....i can see the dark clouds moving in packs towards our direction....but we ignored them as we play as we waited for it to rain....thank God that the wind keep blow the dark clouds away....we play a total of 5 sets of game.....Lum, Ken and myself a team while Kenny, Sim Huae and Shawn make up a team.....we plan to try a different strategy by dividing roles among ourselves. Lum or me would play first person who receive the ball or the person who set the ball to the front which is Ken....Ken will then play as spikier, which often tend to be the third person who play the ball over or usually takes ball that comes under the net....we have few successful play in the first set but won the game....as we play until the third set, i exchange role wif Ken.....somehow we have much better communication this way....the team play strategy managed to work out...we had a fun game after playing all 5 sets...after the game....we all rested at the court and do some chatting....then headed to a food center called Primas....I had a half piece of tosai and i don quite remember what did others had.....After having our nice dinner, we went to Tenaga Mini Market to shop for some stuff and goods....I bought a shampoo as the previous one was finish....as done some small shopping...then we headed home...along the way...we scared that in front will have road blocks by few policemen...so we put on our seat belts in a rush...it was a false alarm as there were no road blocks but we still need to put on as for our own safety purposes...we then dropped Kenny and Sim Huae back to their home and the last destination was my room...sitting in front of my laptop typing this post to you....that summarize three quarter of my day or Monday....hope enjoy what i have been thru

Smile thru your day =)